The time has come; the dawn of the zombie apocalypse is here with legalizing marijuana. That dreadful day the powers that be have feared for 50 years. The zombies are coming home to get baked, LEGALLY. The legalization movement of marijuana is picking up steam and moving quickly. I personally do not smoke weed, as it just isn’t my “thing”. However, I believe it is time to end this nonsense on the criminalization of marijuana.
The years past have taught us there are more dangers to the criminalization of marijuana, from overcrowded prisons, overburdened court system and bloated inept police forces then legalizing it to which there really appears to be no downside, unless of course, you consider a calm, happy society a downside.
I know the argument that if it’s legalized people will be walking around stoned all day…well people walk around drunk and belligerent all day and no one thinks anything of it.
I doubt the zombie genre would be thrilled with my interpretations of zombies, instead of an all out feast on unsuspecting non-GMO, organic brains; we will have an all out run on potato chips and pop tarts. When we hear the groaning of the horde, it won’t be the mindless moan of the undead, rather you will hear the grumbling stomachs of the masses, headed to the local store to quench the hunger due to the marijuana munchies.
Don’t you worry; there will be no need to stockpile food or hide in your bug out location until the zombie apocalypse passes. You won’t need to call up your fellow survivalists to secure your homestead against the roaming masses looking for food because society has collapsed and now what you can grow or steal is all that’s left. You may have to hide your grilled cheese though, as it will likely be in high demand.
As a matter of fact, these are more like sofa zombies. They are non-confrontational and require very little to satisfy. They don’t want to turn you into a wild breed of flesh eating monsters. They don’t have any desire to band together in herds, roaming the earth in a mindless existence. They tend to form in small groups and take over your basement for a place they can talk about whatever non-consequential thoughts they can conjure up.
These zombies, as a matter of fact, don’t like moving at all. They prefer the easy life that laying on the floor surrounded by video games and cheap beer can provide. The less they have to move the better. If you just throw some gummy worms at them and leave that will undoubtedly be enough to sustain them for a few days.
You undoubtedly will come across these zombies while out, but they aren’t marked by missing limbs or their mouths covered in blood. You will be able to spot them by the blood shot eyes, disheveled hair and the flannel that is always one button off. If they display the “zombie” smile during confrontation, there is no reason to run as they won’t bite; however, they may decide to strike up a conversation to which you will probably wish your brain was just eaten by real zombies to put you out of your misery. They won’t be mumbling the zombie catch phrase “brains,” more than likely you will hear things like “DUDE” and “AWESOME”. I would suggest not talking to them at all unless you have an unlimited amount of time and you want to wait 5 minutes for an answer to even the simplest question.
Fear not, all the faithful zombie hunters out there, the doomsayers have finally got it right and they can rub it in our face and say they told us so, legalizing marijuana has proven them right. The zombie apocalypse has come but they are not in any way a threat to our society. The truth is pot heads may be saving contemporary society. Our government is always on the lookout for new forms of taxation in order to spend all of our hard earned money. Let’s be honest, the well is starting to run dry, and without new forms of taxation how in the world can governments continue to spend recklessly? Oh boy, if not for the legalization of marijuana they may even be required to actually do their job representing the people and get their budgets under control. That may be more dangerous than legalizing marijuana. The zombies’ insatiable appetite for weed and junk food may save us all.
THE DEVIANT VIEW on Legalizing Marijuana
As I finish writing this piece, let me say I don’t personally care for weed, I never did. But I also don’t care one bit if someone wants to sit around getting baked all day and neither should anyone else. Marijuana has never been proven to be any more dangerous to society than alcohol, or gambling for that matter. There are other benefits as well, the hemp plant in general is extremely versatile, with the legalization of the marijuana and by default the hemp plant, we can begin to finally take advantage of what the plant has to offer humanity. I’m pretty certain that if aliens were to visit our planet it would be for the hemp plant and all it has to offer. Getting stoned is the gravy.
Again, let me remind you of the tax benefits, not only can our government tax the marijuana, and they will to make money, by default we would empty out a significant portion of our prisons to which there is a huge cost savings and by doing that we would also lower the burden on the court system and police forces nationwide- which means smaller government, which means less taxpayer money needed. Being able to use the hemp plant for paper and clothes would be an enormous benefit to the planet and be consistently renewable.
We may be able to eliminate the federal income tax just by legalizing marijuana. Wouldn’t that be nice? Who would have thought the zombie apocalypse would be a thing of wondrous proportions? So, bring on the zombies in the new age, put the guns away, I’m ready not to fight and enjoy the entertainment and cheap taxes.