My family and I have a few weddings to attend coming up so I decide to tackle a little wedding philosophy. The wife and I were discussing the events and planning for the day. During the conversation my wife had asked if we were going to the ceremony or just the “reception”. I said of course we are going to the ceremony no one skips the funeral and attends the repast so don’t do it with weddings. The way it should work is you attend the service then celebrate the occasion after. If you don’t attend the service you have nothing to celebrate.
I explained to my wife that not going to the wedding and showing up to the reception is in extremely bad taste. My wife and I are on the same page as it relates to attending the ceremony. However, she did ask why I thought it was in bad taste. Especially, since it is so widely accepted today to skip the wedding.
I explained that weddings are not about the reception, the time for celebration is actually at the ceremony. You go the wedding to witness and pay respect to the couple who are joining their lives together. You don’t go to a wedding for the party. The wedding is the meat and potatoes and the reception is the gravy. If you wouldn’t eat gravy without the meat, then why would you attend a reception without the wedding?
Just going to the reception is not enough in my opinion to say congratulations. Talk is cheap, if you truly want to say congratulations you actually show up. That’s what the ceremony is for, why go do you think people have a ceremony and invite people to share in the event? They could just as easily get married in private and have a party after.
I have always felt that if someone cared enough to want me to be a part of their life then I should certainly care enough to actually show up. Sometimes I think people are so wrapped up in their own self importance they forget it’s not always about them.
Weddings, like funerals, are about the people we are supposed to be there to celebrate. Its nice to have the party after to continue the celebration. The “after parties” aren’t the start of the celebration they are the continuation. Just showing up to the party to me is like starting a book in the middle. You don’t ever understand the entire thought or idea. You only get part of the story. Having the foundation and background of the story is crucial to understanding the overall story.
I understand people are busy and possibly don’t share in the views and opinion of wherever the ceremony is being performed. However, I think if you want to celebrate with someone you put aside your personal feelings for someone else for an hour or so.
Sometimes you have to see the bigger picture and not make it personal. I have personally attended many different types of services with many different types of people. I have always said I can pretty much stand anyone for an hour.
I don’t always believe because something is a tradition that is should be continued. Some traditions we can certainly discard as being outdated or not necessary any longer. I do believe we should also not dismiss so easily customs and traditions which are truly important. The idea of congregation and celebration are crucial components of being a human. The idea of celebration has been a long standing custom since humans evolved out of the dirt.
The concept has survived the test of time through every evolution of man and all our crazy ideologies, cultures and societies. I believe we shouldn’t be so easy to dismiss certain customs because we are too busy or lazy for that matter to celebrate.
The Deviant view on weddings.
My hope is that anyone who reads this understands the importance of showing up and celebrating for the right reason. Keeping traditions and custom alive and well for the next generation is critical to the survival of humans and our ability to socialize in a healthy environment. We can never forget the real importance of a ceremony and what it represents.
Showing up and being a part of the experience, even if its just in body and not mind is just as important as the after party. I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t care for weddings very much. Usually I never know if I should laugh or cry and not in a good way. However, I do respect the process and I think that’s what is important.
Weddings like funerals are life changing events. Is it worth missing the opportunity to pay your respects the correct way to watch little Johnny sit on whatever sporting bench he is involved with. You can and will watch that a lot.
The next time you are invited to a wedding I hope you consider the fact you wouldn’t just go to a repast and not the funeral. Take the time out of your life and keep the traditions alive for the next generation. The ceremony is for those being celebrated and it is important to do so.