When in doubt, don’t debate, masturbate

masturbate

    I considered tackling some social and political issues in this post. However, I decided there is enough of that mouth breather mentality out there so I would provide a little much needed humor in what I call an avoidance technique. What I decided to label ‘masturbate it out’.  I don’t think people masturbate enough, to me masturbation is the key to a peaceful society. Let’s be honest with one another, by the time the average person is done masturbating, you pretty much don’t want to do anything except go to sleep or at the very least sit on the couch and watch TV.

    If you have a shopping problem, you struggle with the need to buy something new all the time because you enjoy that feeling of euphoria every time you do then feel bad afterwards. Instead of running out to buy something new, masturbate. It doesn’t cost anything, unless you abuse Kleenex, hand lotion, sand paper or something else. Hopefully it takes a lot less time and there is nothing to feel guilty about.  Think about it, by the time you are done you won’t give a shit about those new shoes. Why is that? I’ll tell you why, because the feeling of instant gratification has been met and you will not have enough endorphins left in your body to go shopping let alone get off the sofa or bed from which you just satisfied yourself. If by some small miracle you actually still want the new shoes, you should probably just go get them. You will now know it is a need and not an impulse buy.

    Masturbation is probably for the majority of people the only time they get peace of mind. There are no rules to follow. There really is no right or wrong way. It’s a truly personal action that, at least for now, doesn’t require a set of rules, instruction or government oversight. You can be whatever you want to be, do whatever you want to do.  The only limit is the limit of your imagination.  A healthy imagination is critical to a successful society. We can always use more people with some original thought to create the art and be the next generation of innovators.

    If you struggle with anxiety and depression, masturbate on it. I have no idea why but for some reason it appears to be a natural cure. Probably because you don’t have to worry about the future of what is about to happen, you already know there is a happy ending. You instinctively know that sometime in the next 5 minutes is going to be fantastic, and you will feel better. Who needs all this medication when the body has its own amazing natural powers of creating a balanced mind and body.

    If you suffer from being too indecisive, masturbate on it and whatever answer you cum to at the end that is the answer. Your mind will be free and clear of clutter and allow you to see the forest through the trees. If you don’t, the chances are pretty good you won’t care anyway. Maybe you will have to masturbate a few times before you figure out what the answer is. Sometimes the answers don’t come so easy as so you may have to rethink a situation and need a few more shots at it.

    If as a species we want world peace, it has to start with personal piece of mind. If a person is not at peace with themselves, they certainly won’t bring about peace anywhere else.  Masturbation is a simple way for anyone with confusion, anger, depression or anxiety to get a little peace. Once they get themselves centered and at peace they can in turn offer a little peace.

    The old saying to know thyself is to love thyself. Let’s all commit to ending the unknown and get back to knowing. If you can love thyself, you can love others. If you can accept thyself, you can accept others. There is no reason to pretend we as humans are not living in confusing times. Take that step to know, enjoy and love yourself. There is nothing to lose.

 

The Deviant View on masturbate it out

 

    Obviously, I’m taking a satirical approach to this. However, there is truth in humor. I believe on some level we all have to do what we have to do. Life is too short and precious to spend worrying, confused or in anger. I think getting back to little things, especially natural, can go a long way to help solving some of the issues we have today. We don’t always have to take a high level approach. Sometimes breaking down to a personal level and starting there is the easiest, most efficient approach to take.

    Instead of using medicine to regulate our bodies or externalizing anger and confusion we have a very easy natural way to cure some of the imbalances that go on. Whether or not masturbation does that I have no scientific knowledge; I just think it can’t hurt. Unless, of course, through the process of getting to know thyself better, you develop carpal tunnel or a sprained wrist.

 

By King Deviant

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