The Deviants Guide to starting an Apocalypse, outlaw Cunnilingus

cunniligus

    I was recently reading an article stating the facts behind the rise in tongue, mouth and throat cancers in men because of Cunnilingus. The take away is that it is related to oral sex, I’m guessing giving oral to a woman is the culprit. The article didn’t specifically say it was all a woman’s fault and I commend them for that, but it was certainly implied. Hell, I now have to watch a commercial every 5 minutes on how its a parents fault that these dirty little boys and girls cant keep their tongues to themselves. They used to have chastity belts, how long before we have everyone wearing a hockey goalie mask?

    Given I’m a Deviant little bastard it got me thinking. In the United States I think we can all agree our country is quickly turning into a nanny state. We certainly have a government that feels it should and does make laws to protect people from themselves. They, in their infinite wisdom, for some reason unknown to me, think they know better. Never mind the fact the government can’t even deliver the mail right, let alone figure out complicated matters of personal choice.

    Back to the article I read. Without getting into all the specifics, it attributed the rise in specific cancers to the change in attitudes as it relates to oral sex. How true that is I don’t know. I’m pretty sure people have been engaging in this behavior for a long time.

    I have to admit I didn’t see this one coming. Just about everything someone can possibly enjoy in this life is somehow related to cancer. I guess it was just a matter of time before Blow Jobs and Cunnilingus made the list. Maybe we should all be surprised it took so long for the government to come to the realization they could create a “fear” around a woman getting Cunnilingus. I guess there is some irony in all this.

    I’m just wondering how they are going to put a warning label on a BJ or Cunnilingus. Will women have to start putting warning labels on their vaginas? Maybe they will mandate a skull and crossbones be shaved into the pubic hair? Wouldn’t that be a site for sore eyes? Maybe they will start selling thongs that have a surgeon general warning on the front? It will be a bio-hazard sign with a warning to lick and the risk of death?

    As I write this post, I’m wondering how that law would be pushed through congress. If C-span were to ever cover a debate of regulating something, Cunnilingus would actually be something I would to watch. To eat or not to eat that is the question! It’s not like there is this massive lobby organization out there that’s either for or against eating pussy. I don’t recall any type of monetary value tied to it that would cause a massive debate.

    The women’s movement would actually have to sit on the sidelines with this one. I can’t even imagine an argument they could come up with. Knowing their vaginas are causing an outbreak of cancer. We have alcohol, tobacco and heroin, now a vagina is up there with the leading cause of death.

    Humans since rising up out of the dirt have been contemplating the meaning of God. Well, now we have our answer. A vagina is the bringer of life, the controller of life and now the ender of life. The missing piece of the puzzle has been discovered. A woman’s vagina is GOD. Why isn’t there a white light flashing over this article? Have I found the meaning of God, it’s certainly possible. A vagina brings us into this world and now we know without a doubt it can take us out.

    I guess I should get to my point and stop making jokes. There seems to be a movement of people actually wanting the apocalypse to happen. It’s probably because of the freedom it represents I guess. Here is how you bring it about. All that needs to happen is for our government to pass a law that actually outlaws Cunnilingus on a woman. That’s all it would take. Because they think they know what’s best, it would be the final nail in a civilized society coffin.

    We have all heard the saying hell has no fury like a woman scorned. Guess what, outlaw Cunnilingus and women would rise up and burn this world to the ground in a New York second. If you think I’m joking why doesn’t one of these idiot jackass lawmakers give it a try? There you have it, Apocalypse granted.

The Deviant view on Cunnilingus

    I don’t want to downplay the significance and dangers of cancer. That is not what this post is about. I’m merely trying to see the humor and irony in the very notion of Cunnilingus being outlawed for the protection of society. Cancer is serious and it causes an enormous amount of pain and suffering to millions every year and that is not funny.

    The fact that soon enough a woman’s vagina may be the leading cause of cancer and have to be outlawed, well if you can’t find humor in that I don’t know what to tell you.

King Deviant
If you didn’t like the post, well, you can fuck off.

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